Terrarium making on the run - the show must go on!
After being evicted from my home yesterday and seeing my possessions thrown on the street and then rained on, I was quite exhausted by the time my homeless partner and I arrived at his friends house late last night.
After a slightly uncomfortable sleep, I woken up with a new perspective this morning. I would imagine that everyone experiences a curve ball or two in their lives, forcing them to change direction, no matter how well they plan and try to protect themselves from life’s uncertainty, but I seem to chase after them.
I am attempting to live from the heart, to see no distinction between my needs and the needs of others in a world that seems to be governed by self interest, not because people are evil, but because they are terribly afraid. The idea that people are somehow helplessly out for themselves is a very strong belief to challenge. I sometimes see my choice to attempt altruistic living as an act of insanity, after all, who wouldn’t instinctively want to protect themselves from risk of homelessness or worse, even if meant others had to suffer, if only indirectly or in a future generation? Isn’t life cruel by forcing us to make such choices, which is why all tolerate things we know are wrong?
I have always lived from the heart, but a sense of guilt used to wreak havoc each time my life seemed to be in peril. Not this time! I feel very different today to how I felt when I posted yesterday. I owe this feeling of hope and happiness to my housemates and ironically one person from Camelot, who have put my needs before theirs, as I will explain shortly, thus challenging my perception of a cruel and selfish world.
If you have followed my work I would hope it was obvious that I dearly love what I do. Yet I have always been prepared to lose everything I’ve built up if I believed holding on to it would be the cause of suffering in others. It is a simple fact that we will not survive our material life, that we will lose it all eventually. Accepting this and letting go now is liberation from suffering and from inflicting suffering on others. Acting from love can be perceived as dangerous and threatening by those who know no better, which is why I am in this situation now: I refused to pay rent for a building that was not wanted. In doing so, I challenged one of my deepest and most materialistic beliefs, that I cannot live without taking care of money before everything else. How can something made up, that has no heart or feelings keep me safe? No wonder it seems like people are terrified and do cruel things if they depend on something that cannot really protect them. Maybe that just describes my beliefs.
How could I have any hard feelings towards those who feel I am putting their livelihood at risk by my choices? I know how hard it is to escape the ‘sorry, it’s me or you’ mindset, because I have struggled with this all my life. Yet in the midst of yesterday’s horrors, I experience some of that altruism from others. My housemates risked eviction by allowing me in the building when they were told they would be punished for doing so. Once everything was getting rained on and I was soaking wet, the Camelot employee supervising my eviction allowed me back in the building and ignored me taking my possessions under cover. He told me he could lose his job by allowing me to do this.
Hermetica London is a bittersweet love. I put everything I am in what I do, because I know it will not last. Why not give it my all, every moment? The opportunity to give everything we have presents itself only once: in this moment and then it is gone forever. I cannot wait until I feel safe and secure before I decide to do something truly honest, because I will only be safe when I have escaped life itself. The material world exists as an opportunity to give of ourselves everything we possibly can, and by that giving, know who and what we are: that we are ourselves the universe and everything that exists in it. How wonderful is that? Grab the chance while you can, because everything you will ever experience is just the merest fleeting flicker in the vast infinity of Love and the only opportunity you will get to know that you are that Love.